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Search Results 0 to 12 of about 13 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Nov 26, 2012 11:30pm PST
know what never's clapping for. (laughter) but god help us, if the u.s. supreme court does overturn the right of first sale. >> you are hearing a case that if they rule one way would say to us, we the people, hey, you can't sell your own stuff. >> it would almost make ebay illegal. >> stephen: ebay illegal? that could destabilize the global market in welcome back kotter board games. but don't worry. even if the supreme court sides with wiley and sons t wouldn't mean you can't sell anything. the court has ruled that the right of first sale applies to any product manufactured in the united states. so you are free to resell anything still made in america like your truck or your meth. and you would be able to resell anything made overseas as long as you have the permission of the original copyright holder. for instance, i am having a garage sale this weekend. some of the stuff was made overseas, so i am simply calling all the copyright holders to work out a profit sharing arrangement. here we go. okay. >> -- . >> stephen: elvis costello, it's stephen colbert. >> stephen, how are you? >>
Comedy Central
Nov 29, 2012 11:30pm PST
from being the u.s. of a to the u.s. of eh. well, folks, i think i found it, fasten your seat belts. and incidentally, if are you wearing seat belts to watch tv, you're part of the problem. >> it sounds preposterous but the united states has to factor into the cold ware to possibly nuke the moon. >> they say the plan call force an intercontinental ballistic missile to be launched from an undisclosed location, travel to the moon and detonate on impact with the height of the cold ware, security scares all around, american leaders felt they needed to give a jolt to the soviet union. >> stephen: we were going to nuke the moon and we didn't! (laughter) this is earth-shattering news. when it should have been moon shattering news. clearly this, this moment is when america stepped back from greatness. oh, let's see, what's the best way to send the rescu rescue-- russ keyes a message. a tense u.s. security council meeting, no, you light up the goddamn moon way nuclear haloso bright kruschev can read pravda at midnight. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: oh, and what milk toast nancy pants pus
Comedy Central
Nov 6, 2012 2:30pm PST
that is ruined now because the u.s. anti-doping agency is accused armstrong of leading a massive doping program throughout his career. i don't understand why they're coming down on lance for doping! of course you need drugs to compete in a multiweek bicycle race! you need drugs just to watch one! (laughter) and now my friend lance has received the harshest punishment in the history of cycling. >> cycling's international governing body stripped lance armstrong of his seven tour de france titles and banned him for life from the sport. >> stephen: so what are they going to do to the titles now, give them to the runners up? oh, i'm sure they weren't doping. they finished second behind a guy who rocketed up mountain sides with powdered monkey nut injected into his heart. (laughter) yeah, these guys are clean, no doubt. squeaky. (laughter) but, folks, losing his seven titles is not the worst news for lance. >> experts estimate lance armstrong might lose up to $200 million now that his big sponsors have dropped out-- nike radio shack, trek. >> stephen: that's $199,999,997 from nike and trek and a pair
Comedy Central
Nov 8, 2012 7:00pm PST
an election and tonight on this program, the winner of that election, the president of the u.s.a., the united states of arithmetic, nate silver will be joining us ( cheers and applause ) it was a big
Comedy Central
Nov 14, 2012 11:30pm PST
and subsequently canceled them made up 4% of all quote traffic in the u.s. stock market. that's right. one algorithm is 4% of all trades. the other 96% were people dumping facebook stock. (laughter) and the source of that mysterious algorithm is unknown but experts suspect it was designed to gum up the system so it slows down others and allows the computer traders to gain a money-making opportunity. in other words, not only was he fast, he made everyone else slower. like if instead of just doping lance armstrong also made everyone else eat a turkey dinner. (laughter) now some say -- (applause) some say all this -- (cheers and applause) they still love you, lance. now, some say all this computer trading is dangerous but i say it's actually safer because if the stock market ever crashes again, instead of brokers jumping out of windows in a panic they'll simply turn on their computer and see the soothing message "error 404, economy not found." (cheers and applause) because, really, what's the worst that can happen? here to tell us the worst that could happen is the author of "automate this: h
Search Results 0 to 12 of about 13 (some duplicates have been removed)